Quick questions & answers...

Why a pic with your nan?

Truthfully? I hate having my photo taken and was dreading having a formal one done for book stuff - then my sister got married recently and this pic was taken and I thought it was ideal because it is more me than a formal one and my grans are the reason why I write. Sadly one is no longer with us, but this particular nan is still going strong at 91!!! She's trying to look serious here because we'd just been caught wheeling about in her chair. My sister and I used to pester the living daylights out of her to tell us 'head stories' (ones she made up as she went along) before going to sleep when we were little. Her imagination is fantastic.

Have you ever been bullied?

Several times but not for years and years now. The first time happened when I was 4 - by my mum's next door neighbour who I now get along with brilliantly. My dad's response at the time was to get me to practice punching a pillow!!! - but I was so shy as a child that there was no way I was ever going to punch anyone! Instead I think I jammed her fingers in a cupboard one day and then ran like mad! Not a strategy I would recommend!

What are your scariest bullying moments?

At Uni a friend and I were cornered late one night by a notorious gang of men with weapons. By sheer wit and luck we escaped, but they actually murdered their next victims - that was pretty scary. And also when I first joined the NHS I was stalked for 2 years by a patient.

What's the best bullying advice you could give?

Usually there's the bullying incident AND then there are the 1000s of times we replay it in our head and worry about it in between it happening again. Sometimes you can't seem to do anything fast about the bullying incidents themselves, but you can always do something about the replays and the bit in between.

What made you write about bullying?

I've been writing since I was 4 and I write about lots of things really - mostly anything that I think might help someone else. Years ago, my undergraduate dissertation reviewed a bullying resource years and my supervisor was Professor Peter Smith - one of the UK's leading researchers on bullying - my stuff is not as high brow! When I worked for the NHS I wrote a story about a child who stammered, to help children and their parents talk about it and find ways to cope with it. The first little boy who read it identified with it so much that he slept with it under his pillow - and that really amazed me! As a psychologist seeing people face to face, I can only see a certain number of people a day, but if I can find other ways, through books or interactive CDROMS maybe I can help a little bit more

Do you still see people face to face?

Sadly not at the moment. I do see old clients if they get in touch but I am absolutely fully booked researching the next bullying resource and consulting for some other wellbeing resources for children.

What bullying resource is coming out next?

I'm in the middle of researching the best way of creating a resource to help re-build confidence when someone's been bullied - which is why I'd love to give people the opportunity to talk to me as I create it.

Sian has a four year Bachelor of Medical Science (Hons) degree from Sheffield University, a postgraduate diploma in psychology, a Masters degree in psychology and a postgraduate diploma in designing online resources. Her thesis investigating the use of online resources in psychology was awarded a distinction. She was one of the youngest specialists in her field in the NHS after graduating and has worked in the NHS, Education and privately to help children and adults rebuild their confidence. She has several books published and has advised on various educational videos, radio programmes and TV.

www.bullying.co.uk is a very comprehensive site containing general information about bullying

www.direct.gov.uk contains Government issued advice and information about bullying

www.digizen.org/cyberbullying/ has further information on cyberbullying

www.parentlineplus.org.uk contains general advice for parents on many issues, including bullying. It also has a very active forum about bullying for parents which can be found here

www.bbclic.com is a comprehensive site for young people about bullying

www.childline.org.uk gives information about bullying from Childline

www.kidscape.org.uk/advice/index.asp also has advice about bullying online

As well as the usual things you can do to help when a child is bullied, like talk to the school etc. We've found a few more unusual things you might want to try.

Indigo Essences is a company that produce fantastic essences for adults and children. We already know that lavender, for example, helps us feel more relaxed and so we're quite used to buying lavender candles and sprays etc. Well, Ann, the lady who owns Indigo Essences is a genius at blending essences and sprays and candles to help with all sorts of things, like when a child is bullied. We use their products and they are superb. Well worth a visit to their website to take a look. You never know what might help...

Fit for Schools is a great company that provide holistic health and fitness workshops for schools and even their general sessions are known to help children feel more confident, less worried, less stressed and less angry - it's worth looking at their website and getting in touch to see if they do any workshops near you...

If you are seriously worried about the state of your child's confidence, then maybe they could be helped by talking to a professional? Your GP can usually refer to a local professional, but you can also look at the British Psychological Society's website and see who might be suitable and based near you...

How do you deal with the changing face of bullies?

This year, National Bullying week shines a spotlight on the fastest growing face of bullying: cyberbullying. Basically, this means using information and communication technology to deliberately upset someone else. It includes bullying via mobile phones, instant messaging, emails, blogs, Twitter, websites, chatrooms, message boards, Virtual Learning Environments (VLEs) such as Second Life, or social networking sites like Facebook and Bebo.

Cyberbullying can include:

• Threats and blackmail
• Harassment
• Repeatedly texting unpleasant messages/images
• Monitoring or hacking into someone's online activities or accounts
• Impersonating a person and using their identity online
• Posting or forwarding unpleasant comments or private information
• Sharing videos of someone being bullied
• Sending viruses
• Pretending to be friends to gain information
• Refusing to acknowledge messages or using 'ignore' functions
• Manipulating someone emotionally to do something: 'If you were really my friend, you'd...'
• 'Sexting' - sending sexually explicit messages or photos to cause distress

The difficulty most children and parents face with cyber bullying is that it is more difficult to contain and control. Information can spread rapidly, repeatedly and widely - whether it was intentionally hurtful in the first place or not - and it can creep into a child's personal space no matter where they are. Those who bully can choose to remain anonymous and they don't necessarily need to be physically more powerful to bully anymore. Anonymity can also mean that boundaries could be pushed even further than if someone is physically in your face.

So how can you help, especially if you feel like children know more about technology than you do?

When online

• Help children make themselves more cyberbully-proof by encouraging them not to combine real names, ages and provocative words as their username/email address. Sexybecs13@whatever.com may seem a fun idea to 13 year old Becs who is just getting into boys and having fun experimenting with harmless flirting etc - but it gives away a surprising amount of detail to anyone looking hard enough who might not be so harmless.
• You might want to use a picture or image on a profile instead of a real photo.
• Keep passwords private and make them hard to guess by using random letters and numbers instead of names, phone numbers and birthdays etc. This makes it difficult for people to hack into email accounts.
• The web is a very deceptive space. It can feel very private and intimate, but it's very public. You may need to discuss that the details they display, who they talk to and what they talk about are far more open and accessible than they might realise.
• We insist that children tell us the truth about things and we drill them that they are rude if they don't answer questions or speak to people when spoken to - but they need to know that the web is the one place where it's okay not to answer people, to block and delete people and not to give out details like real names, personal information, phone numbers and addresses. They also need to know that other people don't always tell the truth on their profiles and in conversations either.
• If bullied, instant messaging services such as MSN have features that allow you to block or delete people, but children may need encouragement that it's okay to block people.
• On MySpace and Bebo, profiles can be set to 'private' so that only approved people can see it.
• On email accounts such as hotmail, you can block email addresses by clicking on 'options', then 'more options'. Click the heading 'junk mail' then click 'safe and blocked senders'. Finally, click the 'blocked senders' option and type the offending email address into the box and click 'add to the list'.
• Be as interested and open to talking about online friends and what a child does online as you would face-to-face friends and activities.
• Children need to know that it's better to tell you about something that's happened online - as soon as possible - even if they've joined in bullying themselves or got themselves into an embarrassing situation.
• Save messages if you need to take further action about them.

So how can you help, especially if you feel like children know more about technology than you do?

Mobile phones

Cyberbullying through mobile phones is much harder to prevent.

• You can remind children to be careful who they give their phone number to, but in all fairness most give out their phone numbers in good faith to people they think are friends. The problem is that they have little control over whether those people remain friends or if their number is passed on to others without their consent.
• If you do find that nuisance calls or texts are a problem, you can report this to your mobile phone provider. Newer phones may have reject lists where you can block a number but generally the only thing a phone company will be able to do is offer to change your number and liaise with the police on the matter.

To report nuisance calls/texts, you can call

Orange - 07973 100 150, or 150 from an Orange phone
Vodafone - 08700 700 11, or 191 from a Vodafone phone O2 - 08705 678 678, or 4445 from an O2 phone
Virgin Mobile - 0845 6000 070, or 789 from a Virgin Mobile phone
3 Network - 08707 330 333, or 333 from your 3 Network phone
T-Mobile - 0845 412 5000